Faith, doubt, life – Q&A with Kyle Cupp

Today it is an honor to be a stop on the blog tour for Living in Faith, Dwelling in Doubt (Loyola Press, 120 pp., $13.95), written by Kyle Cupp. I’m a longtime fan of Kyle’s work, which I first encountered on the blog Vox Nova, a few years back.

I did write a little about this book at the end of September, when I first read it – a not-review that was a sort of a review. Today I wanted to present this Q&A with the author – and here it is. Enjoy! And read this book, it is wonderful!

How and when did Living in Faith, Dwelling in Doubt become a book for you? Was it an idea for a book, or was it a series of notes and essays that became a book?
This may sound strange, but I don’t think it really became a book for me until after my editor, Vinita Hampton Wright, took the manuscript I’d given to Loyola Press, cut out about seven chapters, rearranged the whole thing, and returned the draft to me for my review. I’d composed the manuscript in more or less chronological order, but Vinita restructured it with the work’s core story and themes in mind. As I read through it, I finally felt that I was reading a book.

Initial work had begun after the publisher and senior acquisitions editor at Loyola Press encouraged me to submit a book proposal after reading some of my blogging about faith and doubt and the relationship between the two in my own life. This was September of 2011.

I had a lot of themes in mind as I began early drafts, but during the writing process and with the feedback from the editors at Loyola, I narrowed the scope of the book to three basic ideas: how my faith has thrived in various environments of uncertainty, how my daughter’s fatal birth defect taught me that love has no time constraints, and how my relationships with family and friends have all necessitated and nourished my faith.

What is your practice when you write? Do you write daily, at a specific time, or do you write when the Spirit moves you?
Most of my writing gets done after my son and daughter are in bed and I’ve had a few minutes to relax and maybe drink a little coffee. Late at night, in other words. Sometimes I’ll get on a roll first thing in the morning, a time that would be optimal for me if work and school and such weren’t demanding my punctuality. I keep telling myself that I should get up an hour earlier each morning and immediately hit the keyboard, but as usual I don’t listen to me.

Do you ever find roadblocks, writers block or children’s blocks getting in your way? If so, how do you deal with blocks?
Oh, yeah. The worst offender, though, is just exhaustion. At nine at night my natural inclination is to make some popcorn and chill with a book or television show on DVD. Once I start down that path, though, there’s no going back. I have to fight the urge when I first feel it. I lose as much as I win.

What do you do for fun?
Diagram sentences. Well, not so much anymore. Pity my children, Fran: they will know of my love of the diagrammed word all too soon and all too well. In the meantime, I enjoy the usual stuff: combing dense tomes of continental philosophy, building constructions with my son’s LEGO blocks (and keeping them in my room so he can’t break them), asking divisive questions on Facebook and watching the fireworks. I also play video games.

Name five people or things you are most grateful for.
My wife, my children, my church, my education, and my socks.

Of all the lay ministry experiences you have had, which one has shaped you the most?
I’m going to say the combination of working with couples in preparation for their marriage and working with individuals in pursuit of an annulment. I meet people in love, eager and excited to bond till death do them part; and I assist people whose marriages have left them broken. I’ve come to appreciate the importance of being with others where they live and recognizing that people’s lives rarely conform to my expectations or to abstract rules. Life is messy. Morality is messy too.

Can you name a person who inspires you and tell us why?
My wife Genece. She loves me as I am while encouraging me to be the best person I can be.

What is one thing that you have not done yet, but that you would like to do?
Write a YA novel. It’s next on the agenda.

If you  could go anywhere in the world that you wanted, where would you go? Why?
New Zealand. It looks magical just on photo and film.

What is the best part of having your book published and what is the worst part of the experience?
I’ll start with the worst: burn out. The book is relatively short, just a little over a hundred pages, but the final few weeks of composition and revision just took all desire to write out of me. I lost interest in blogging for a while and still haven’t gotten back to my old production level.

The best part of having a book published? That’s easy. I’ve wanted to be an author since high school. So. Dream. Come. True.

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No doubt about it, a not-book-review

This is no doubt in my mind that Living by Faith, Dwelling in Doubt by Kyle Cupp, (Loyola Press, 120pp, #13.95) is an excellent book.  This however, is not a book review – just a warning. The review will come soon.

In full disclosure, I have known Kyle online for a number of years. First from his posts at Vox Nova, which caught my eye and engaged my heart and mind. Later, we became Facebook friends and I began to follow his other blog. He’s a pretty smart guy; I can’t claim to always understand him, but I always want to read what he posts.

Back to the book. I get lots of books, which I am deeply grateful for. There are piles of them in the spare room, on tables in various other rooms of the house. Some live in my car for awhile, or I bring them to work. Publishers often send me a review copy, asking me to host a blog tour stop. This book did come to me in advance, in the form of a gift, but not as a review copy.  (Most of the books I receive are never reviewed.Sorry!)

But – this is not a book review!

So what the heck is this post about?  I am planning my unsolicited review of Kyle’s book, which will be pretty glowing. I just want to give you some advance warning! Plus I have not finished the book yet, so I can’t review it.

Fine, but why write this post today? Forget the advance warning, I really just want to tell you that this book about faith and doubt is, *ahem-clears throat*,  no doubt one of the best books I have read about my favorite co-existing topics of faith and doubt.

It’s a slim volume, why haven’t you finished it yet? Good question! I am reading Kyle’s book with painstaking slowness. I read a chapter or two, I pick it up a few days later,  reread a bit, and then add another chapter. Short does not mean the book should be rushed through.

How do we know the rest of us will like it? There is no certainty that the rest of you will like this book. In fact, there are elements that are going to make some people uncomfortable. It could be because Kyle speaks freely about the depth of his faith, the elements of doubt, and questions of certainty that will cause some to challenge what he writes about faith itself. Others will shrink back from some of the personal stories that Kyle shares, because they have the potential to make one uncomfortable.

Why would we read a book about faith that makes us uncomfortable? Aren’t books about faith, the Bible included, have the potential for discomfort? They should make us uncomfortable; if not, we might have a problem. Shouldn’t our faith journeys cause us discomfort?

Enough questions for today. The only thing that I can add – without a doubt – is that this is a compelling little volume and I hope that you read it.

31 Days with Saint Ignatius

July 31 is the feast day of Saint Ignatius of Loyola, founder of the Jesuits. If you were not familiar with the Jesuits before, the election of Pope Francis, who is a Jesuit, may have raised your consciousness about them.

The Society of Jesus, the full name of the Jesuit order,  have a long and important history in the Church, but that is not what I am here to share today. As the image above points to, July brings us 31 Days with Saint Ignatius from Loyola Press. You will also notice a link to this in the sidebar of this blog. I hope that you will follow along with the different Ignatian inspired posting for each day.

Today’s post is about the Examen, and I highly recommend it. And while I am a day late, don’t take that as a signal to miss the post that kicked off the series. Andy Otto, of Finding God in All Things, wrote about – well, Five Ways to Find God in All Things! Finding God in all things is a foundational element of Ignatian spirituality.

So join in, follow along, read away, and share as the Spirit moves you! AMDG!

Random Moments of Grace – The Blog Tour

As I told you on Thursday, I don’t really feel like writing. *sigh* I’ll get there, when I get there. Reading however, that’s another story.  And reading I have been doing – so let me tell you about it right now.

As a direct result of reading, today I will write, as the blog tour for Random MOMents of Grace (from Loyola Press),by Ginny Kubitz Moyer stops here, which I am very excited about!

When I discovered Ginny’s blog, Random Acts of Momness, I was hooked, and I’ve been a near daily visitor for a couple of years now.  She’s smart, she’s funny, she’s very insightful, and I think what I love best is how she reveals such small-s-sacrament moments of grace with such beauty and ease.

Anyway, let me offer this very short review… I loved the book. Rather than tell you why I loved it, I simply recommend it very highly. If you read this book, or take a look at Ginny’s blog, you will understand. While the blog, and the book flow forth from Ginny’s Catholic motherhood, I can promise you, neither the blog nor the book exclude anyone. So don’t let that keep you from this treasure.

I would like you to know Ginny a bit better, so take a look right here…
You describe parenting as the “ultimate spiritual workout.” What are some “training tips” that you might offer expectant moms about to begin this journey?

Most pregnancy books give you lots of advice about what to expect, post-baby. They tell you that your body will change, your sleep patterns will change, your love life will change – but they don’t tell you that your spiritual life will change, too. Those changes can be challenging (less time for prayer/meditation, noisy plastic toys constantly underfoot), and yet parenting has deepened my faith life in ways I could not have anticipated. Since having kids, I understand the love of God better than ever before. I’ve gained an entirely new appreciation for what it means to be part of a community. Formerly fuzzy concepts like grace are much more concrete to me now.

Any time we leave our comfort zones, we grow. Motherhood is all about leaving one’s comfort zones. It puts you into situations that are not exactly enjoyable (being stuck overnight in the airport with a nine-month-old baby is not anyone’s idea of a good time – don’t ask me how I know this), but it also brings you moments of astonishing joy and beauty. I’m not sure you can prepare for all this, exactly; you can only embrace it. And so I’d tell an expectant mother that she’s in for a wild ride … but a transformative one.

In a chapter called “The Good and The Bad,” you write beautifully about how both exist in our lives. Do you typically feel aware of the necessity of both as you live through those moments? (I can’t help but think of the short span between Matthew telling you that he loves you, and his journey to the time out place that almost immediately followed, as I ask this.)

In any bad moment of life as a parent (the stomach flu, the tantrum, the cross-country-flight-with-rambunctious-kids) I think we all just want to get past it as quickly as possible. But at the end of the day, when I think back over the day’s experiences, I can often see that the bad moments fit into a larger narrative, so to speak. I can see how they are a part of life as a mom, but they are not the sum total of my parenting experiences. That makes them easier to accept, somehow.

I think this is why an evening’s moment of reflection is so useful. When we step back and look at the day, we can see not just the icky parts, but also the moments of grace that were present. And the more you identify these moments of grace after the fact, the more it trains you to become aware of them in real time, as they are happening. I can’t do that all the time, but I am getting better.

Maintaining a life of faith that includes attendance at church is one of the most difficult things for young families to do. What would you say to a mom of young kids who would love to be able to live that way, but feels too time and stress challenged to do so?

I’d say just pack up the kids and go, and let yourself be open to whatever you are able to absorb of the service, even if it doesn’t feel like much. Honestly, it’s hard to recall the last time I could focus on the entire Gospel. The moment the priest starts the homily, one of the boys invariably has to use the potty; it’s like a Pavlovian response. But even when I miss what feels like ninety percent of the service, it’s not a wasted experience. Certain words or phrases will leap out at me, even while trying to contain two squirrelly kids, and sometimes that word or phrase is just what I need.

Also, as a Catholic, I love the fact that even when I am utterly distracted by the boys and miss the readings and the Gospel and the homily and the creed, I still have the Eucharist. Walking down that aisle and tasting the body of Christ is a moment of total, pure involvement. That action breaks through all the distraction and focuses me on the relationship that is the very heart of my faith. Because of that, every Mass – even the ones where the kids are so active that I wonder why I came in the first place – is utterly worth it.

Franciscan priest and author Richard Rohr has said that faith has to be “caught and not taught.” How do you think that a life of faith is transmitted to the next generation?

Well, I’m a teacher by trade, so I can’t not teach my kids. ☺ But I do think that so much of faith is about the example you see around you, in your own family. If someone asked your child, “Does your mom like being Catholic?” (or Presbyterian, or Jewish, or Mormon, or whatever), what would your child say? And if you think your child might not be able to answer “yes,” what can you do to change that? I think this is a very useful question to ponder.

You love to garden; how is gardening a mirror of grace in your journey as a mother, a writer, a woman of faith?

Gardening is so elemental, isn’t it? – it’s about connecting with what is most basic and important in life. In our technology-driven world, I think this is more necessary than ever. I remember one summer afternoon when I was feeling foggy and edgy from being online too much. I stopped and went outside and began to deadhead the lavender bushes, and it was like instant renewal. It was fabulous.

Also, gardening is not something that most of us instinctively know how to do. There’s a learning curve of figuring out which plants can’t do well in the shade, how much watering is enough, etc. Often, we can’t do it without the advice of someone who is more experienced than we are (in my case, my garden-loving mom and grandma.)

If you ask me, that makes it a pretty good metaphor for parenting. Maybe some women take their first baby home from the hospital and feel totally confident about their new role. I was petrified. Enter my mom, who was a lifesaver during those first few confusing and exhausting weeks.

And gardening is all about nurturing new life, helping it flourish, and making the world more beautiful by your efforts. When you stop to think about it, parenting is, too. They both require creativity, faith, and perseverance … and they show us that grace is all around us, if we take a moment to look for it.

Ginny is a very talented and truly wonderful person, so I am glad that you got to know her a little.  Her words really come from the heart. That to me makes this book a very special one.

If my words and that endorsement still have not influenced you, then our last stop is the excerpt.You just click on that little PDF file below and you will get a real treat – Mom does always come back after a nap and a snack, that is for certain!

random-moments-22-28

I hope that you have enjoyed what you’ve heard about here, whether or not, you don’t always feel like you “fit” into the category. Like any good journey of faith, in the end, all are truly and beautifully welcome. Love and grace are present for all if we find them in life all around us, as Ginny has so richly done in this book.

And there is nothing random about that!